Commitment

If there's one word that strikes fear in some people's hearts, it is ‘commitment’. Why is this? Why are some people so afraid of committing themselves to a relationship that they enjoy and a person who makes them happy?

I believe the answer to this question lies not in what the person thinks about his/her partner, but rather what he/she thinks of them self. As much as you commit yourself to your husband/wife or partner, it's important to remember that a serious relationship/marriage is also a commitment to yourself.

When you make a commitment to a relationship you are not only accepting and expecting a loving, attentive and supportive partner, husband or wife, you are agreeing to be a loving partner, husband or wife.

Maybe this moral contract touches to close to a nerve that exposes our fear of being vulnerable, or being hurt – after all we are entering a relationship, with little or no guarantee that it will last, with no assurances that the person you love will continue to love you.

Or has the concept of commitment been regulated in the list of values people hold true. Has the surreal world of celebrities/television become a staple ingredient of the real world most of us live in?  A world where glitz and glamour reigns and relationships at times as transient and fickle… “oh there are plenty more fish in the sea”  …now where have I heard that said lately, yes I remember now, they either found out that the sea was not that big, or that a lot of the fish in the sea had been poisoned.

Is commitment intrinsic or is it something that is nurtured by our environment, and experiences? Is commitment a thing of the past, since we live in a world today where change happens so fast?

I once read a story of a man whose motto was “I never want to wake up in the morning look in the mirror to shave, and there is no-one there” his motto was about commitment to oneself, commitment to the values we hold true, values that make us who we are.  If you cannot commit to your values… then who are you?

How can you commit to anyone else if you cannot commit to yourself, how can you commit to your children if you do not hold true your values that says ‘You should always be there for your children’.  How can you look in the mirror and know who is truly there, when a child that is born out of commitment is suffering because of lack of commitment.  Too many of our children are suffering from ‘Father Wounds’ inflicted by the absent fathers or the vengeful mothers.  

Commitment, as far as I am concerned, is and can be measured by how much you commit to your spouse, children or even your job but, more importantly, I believe it is about how much you can commit to yourself.

Walk the walk – if you talk the talk, commitment does not give you restrictions – it gives you focus – commitment does not make you vulnerable, it makes you grow.

We should all make a commitment today – to commit to our husband/wife or partner, to commit to our children, to commit to our work, to commit to ourselves.

Let’s become less ambivalent about commitment and focus on the joys and benefits that togetherness can bring.

But at the very least, if we reflect on our own thoughts and feelings a little more before slamming that door on commitment, we'll know for certain whether we fear committing to someone else, or to ourselves.

Wrriten by Ken Barnes