Each week I will be sharing a passage from my book 'The iFactor'

iFactor No.2

The Question: Do I do the same things over and over again and expect different results?

The Quote “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  Victor Frank

The Passage: I have heard it said that a definition of madness is, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”  I wonder how many of us under this definition, could be classed as mad?

Too many people do the same things and have the same thoughts, but expect different things to happen to them.

When nothing does, they ask, “Why me?”  Instead they should be asking, “What is it about me?”

If we want change, we have to change; if we want something different to happen in our lives, we have to do something different in our lives.   

Simply put, if we want different outcomes from our lives we must have different inputs in our lives.

In order to become someone you have never been, you need to do something you have never done.

Commit today to changing the rules of engagement, where you dare to be different and dare to be unique.  Be afraid of being the same.

Make a real commitment today, that turns your words into actions and your thoughts and ideas into tangible steps that bring you closer to your dreams and goals... Now that’s iThinking.

The iFactor is the only series of books in the world that have a journal and action planner all in one.  The iFactor is an inspirational book that move you to positive change.

“We fall down but we get up.” Donnie McClurkin

If you ever fall and need to be picked up, I'd like  to invite you to think about this truly heartwarming story of victory in the face of life's challenges. Have some tissues to hand... you will need them. http://tinyurl.com/34g95tr

The passage below is an excerpt from my iFactor book which I think reinforces one of the morals of Ben's story in the video.

Music has been used as a source of strength and inspiration since the dawn of time.   Medicine even uses it to heal.  The lyrics of a song can soothe an aching heart, uplift a down trodden spirit and re-ignite a broken dream.

I was moved one Sunday in church by the powerful lyrics from a song, “We fall down but we get up, we fall down but we get up.”  These words resonated with me and I reflected as the choir passionately delivered these simple yet profound success principles.

In life we all fall down at times, we first experience this as toddlers when we attempt to take our first steps in life.  Our initial failed attempt to walk is met with smiles and nothing more than possibly a slightly bruised bum.  We do not give up, we keep trying because even at that early age we realise that falling down is a process on our way to standing up.

Unfortunately this perception of us falling down changes as we mature into adulthood.  It is no longer our bums that are bruised when we fall down, but our egos.  We see falling down as something to be embarrassed about, something to be scorned on.

We hide our falls for fear of being seen as less than we are and beat ourselves up over the errors of judgement that led to them.

Here is the reality of life, we all fall down at times, it does not matter who you are.  We all have times when aspects of our life are in disarray.  This is true of the great leaders in the world and the everyday person.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong, it is a normal part of life.

The only time that ‘falling down’ in your life will cause you a real problem is when you ‘stay down’ and you make it even worse by ‘getting down’.

When you get down, you look up at the world instead of looking in the world.  Thus, you cannot see your place in the world and even if you do, you may not feel you are worthy or confident enough to claim it.

You may fall down at times in your life, however do not ‘stay down’ or ‘get down’.  Get back up again and wipe yourself off, brush off any self-pity and view the experience as character building, making you an ever stronger and wiser person on your journey through life.

Written by: Ken Barnes
Passage from The iFactor

A person with the wrong mindset will reject any skills sets which are presented to them. Affirmations are a powerful way to direct your thoughts and feelings. Enjoy this collection of special affirmations suited to anyone in business, although it was made for the Ardyss Home Business business builders.

Watch this video as many times as you can. It will embedded positive thoughts in your mind.

Enjoy.

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“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” Sven Goran Eriksson

Whether you realise it or not, fear has shaped your likes and dislikes, chosen your friends, influenced your work and even raised your children. Your fears can keep you from accepting yourself and realising your full potential.

All of us have fears.  Fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid, fear of not being good enough, fear of the past and fear of the future.    It is your fears that stop you from doing many of the things you want to do in your life.

Fear can be like a straight jacket that immobilises and stagnates your growth and development.  To control and even overcome fear, you must first know what you fear and try to understand why you fear it.  By accepting fear and keeping company with it, you will eventually learn how to conquer it.

Conquering fear does not mean destroying it.  When you conquer something, you take control of it and become its master.  No one can ever completely destroy fear and why should you? It is an integral part of your protection system whether you like it or not. 

Shift your thinking from being afraid of making mistakes, to being afraid of not making a mistake.  If you are not making any mistakes you can be sure that you are not learning or growing.

Author - Ken Barnes

This poem, given to me many years ago has helped me grow through many a difficult times.

It is still as relevant as when it was written.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up, When he might have captured the victor's cup, And he learned too late when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

It's always a weird experience for me, watching myself on a recording.  It can also be a rewarding experience, which this one most definitely is. I mentioned that I spoke at the Spirit of Coaching recently and I found the experience great.

This was one of my most honest and frank interviews, where I share some of my life challenges.

Well they recorded the session and I am very pleased to say that I can share it with you now. After the introduction I am the first speaker to talk, however do watch the whole of the recording as there is  a great question and answer session at the end.

Nina and Geoff are also great speakers with very interesting stories. Enjoy!

Hosted by the Brahma Kumaris in London, the latest in the  series looks at "rising to the challenge". (Click image below to view talk)

Panel speakers feature: Ken Barnes, Nina Grunfeld and Geoff Marlow. Interviewed by Shola Arewa.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller

If ‘to forgive’ is divine, why is it so hard for us to do? Much of your ability to forgive depends on your own emotional state of being.  How you feel about yourself and your ability to express ‘ugly’ feelings, such as anger and sadness, play a role in how good you are at forgiving.  

This is often a reflection of your childhood.  Women who grow up in a family where ‘mistakes’ and ‘transgressions’ are acknowledged and excused can reveal their hurt, pain, anger, regret, and sorrow... and then move on.  In contrast, women who grow up in a household where grudges are held for a long time often unwittingly carry these traditions into their adult lives.  They are afraid to reveal their emotions and so the feelings fester.  They don’t forget or forgive.

The ability to forgive is not just a virtue; it is a practical tool that can help you preserve your physical and mental health through everything from a traffic dispute to relationship infidelity.  The better we understand that we can be forgiven, the better we can forgive others.  

When we are hurt emotionally, we are hurt not just in our minds but also in our bodies.  The more we cling to anger or hurt, the more our bodies secrete ‘stress chemicals’ that, over time, take a physical toll.  Worst of all, though, the inability to forgive can distract us from the positive aspects of our lives. 

If you are focused on things that disturb you or that make you feel tense or uncomfortable, what it really does is rob you of your joy.  Therefore, perhaps the most important part of your ability to forgive is your sense of responsibility for your own life and relationships.  That’s not to say that you deserve any mistreatment that makes you angry or hurt.  It means that there are very few times that you will be a completely ‘innocent’ victim and that holding on to anger is a choice, not a commandment.

If you are able to really look at yourself, you will almost always see ways in which you contributed to the problem or conflict, even if it was in a small way.  It’s this awareness that is the source of forgiveness.

Robert Muller, dubbed the ‘philosopher’ of the United Nations during his tenure as Under-Secretary General, said, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”... Now that’s iWoman thinking.

The iFactor series of books are the only books in the world that have a journal and action planner all in one.  The iFactor For Women is an inspirational book that move you to positive change.